Pregnancy after loss is hard. It is a battle you fight everyday. You wait and wait for something to go wrong and you pray with all your might that everything will go perfectly. It is stressful. You think lightning won’t strike twice or God wouldn’t do that again. But it does happen again. It knocks you of your feet and you lose all hope and all faith. This is me. I am a mom to three babies that you can’t hold. They died. They’re gone.
Being pregnant again is
terrifying. Every day is a challenge. I try to be so careful with my body so I don’t do anything to disrupt my little one. But what I wish I had more of was positive thoughts.
I know my babies died and I know there is always a chance of it happening again but why do people feel the need to bring those negative thoughts like I don’t have enough of my own. I don’t want to hear how you are waiting to be excited. I don’t want to hear how you’re holding breath until I’m past viability. I don’t want to be told to wait to buy anything. Those are the thoughts that put mom’s like me in a hard place.
We want to be excited but we are scared. We need to be told it’s okay to feel excited. We need to talk about putting the nursery together and future plans for baby. If this baby died I wouldn’t love them any less or be any less sad so why not be just as excited about this one as you were for your first. Why not start believing that this baby won’t die. That you can carry a baby and bring them home happy and healthy.
20 something Going on 40 